Author: Julie Lotarski Page 3 of 11

When I was a little girl, my church used to have a display of prayer cards in the narthex.  To me that was the best part of going to mass.  I would run up to check if any new ones were added, for I collected them like trading cards.  Perhaps that is why to this day I cannot dispose of one.  I keep them safely tucked away in a box.  I’m not sure for why, for I never open it to take one out, only to add another one to the collection. 

So tonight, I thought I’d play a little Russian Roulette with my prayer cards, shuffle my hand through the box without looking and let the Holy Spirit guide my topic of prayer for the evening.  I’m not going to lie, it felt a little anti-climactic when I select St. Gerard. 

St. Gerard of Majella is who most women pray to when they are pregnant, and as I am not pregnant and don’t expect to be anytime soon, the selection feels a little irrelevant to me.  Then again, maybe there is a pregnant woman reading this post who needs some assistance from St. Gerard, so here we go. 

St. Gerard was born with a weak constitution and died of tuberculosis at age 29.  Shocker.  Determined to become a lay brother he was denied admission to a religious order three times.  Pretty standard saint stuff.   

Here it gets interesting.  He exhibited extraordinary supernatural gifts – bilocation, prophesy, ecstasies, visions, and infused knowledge.  Ok, that’s pretty impressive.    

Why is he the patron saint of pregnant women?  During his life on several occasions his prayer saved the life of a mother and her newborn child.  Ah, there it is.  That’s why I don’t get the warm and fuzzies from St. Gerard, I feel abandoned by him. 

This is when the self-doubt sets in.  If I had prayed to St. Gerard more during my pregnancies with London and Mary Ella, could he have protected them?  Did I do something wrong?  I remember praying to St. Gerard before London was conceived, but then I admit I forgot about him.  If I hadn’t would things have been any different?

I’ll never understand why some children are saved and not others, but since St. Gerard is known to be one of the holiest saints perhaps drawing his prayer card tonight was a nudge to reexamine relevance. 

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit…

“O good St. Gerard, powerful intercessor before God and Wonder-Worker of our day, I call upon you and seek you aid.  You who on earth did always fulfill God’s design help me to do the Holy Will of God.  Beseech the Master of Life, from Whom all paternity proceeds to render me fruitful in offspring, that I may raise up children to God in this life and heirs to the Kingdom of His glory in the world to come.” 

Amen. 

Patron saint of juvenile delinquents.  Yes, you read that right.  Yes, that’s a thing.  Did you know that if you start looking up patron saints, the list is only about as long as nouns in the dictionary?  Well now you know.  You’re welcome. 

So why are we talking about the patron saint of juvenile delinquents?  Earlier this year I had a student whose story broke my heart.  He was making some bad choices for sure, but I quickly developed a soft spot for him.  His father MIA, no food in the house and a mother constantly running off and leaving him in charge of two younger siblings.  Are we really surprised when he comes back from a two-week suspension with behavior non the wiser?  Punished for poverty is what some would call it. 

As first semester came to a close, knowing that I would no longer have this student in my class second semester, I decided I needed to enact some additional help in guiding this individual.  A conversation I had had with a coworker replayed in my mind.  The objective of it being, if you request the favor of a saint with the promise of celebrating their feast day, they will be your ally.  Determined to identify a guardian angel of sorts for this student, I began reading through lists of patron saints.  Quickly becoming overwhelmed with the options, I settled on Saint Dominic Savio: Patron saint of choir boys, the falsely accused, and juvenile delinquents.  Born on my niece’s birthday with a feast day right before our school’s graduation, it seemed to be a sign.  I prayed to Saint Dominic, “Please help guide this student towards his high school diploma.  Keep him in line long enough to graduate so he can get a job and stay out of trouble.  Please let him be a positive role-model for his younger siblings.  Intercede on his behalf and I promise to honor your feast day every year on May 6^th.” 

Currently senior exit grades are due in about two months.  If you are so inclined, please join me in praying to St. Dominic Savio on behalf of my student. 

O Saint Dominic Savio, model of purity, piety, penance and apostolic zeal for youth; grant that, through your intercession, we may serve God in our ordinary duties with fervent devotion, and attain the grace of holy joy on earth, that we may one day love God forever in heaven.  Amen.

Thank-you.  I pray that come May I have a reason to plan an annual holy celebration in honor of this young saint.   

We all know those people.  Wildy successful in their field, made all the right career moves, everything seems to have panned out for them just right.  They kind of make us feel horrible about ourselves.  No? Just me?  Ok.

Then there are the rest of us.  We might feel like we chose the wrong job out of college, got complacent, and now we’re stuck.  Might as well stick it out until retirement at this point, no one wants to be middle-aged starting over in a new job.  Well, Sr. Bernice did. 

At 16-years-old, Sr. Bernice felt God calling her to become a religious sister.  She was a practicing Protestant at the time and her mother was not happy to hear of her new aspirations.  Still, Sr. Bernice persisted in becoming a Catholic.  However, to her disappointment she could not find an order that would admit her, so she gave up. 

It wasn’t until years later, when the Holy Spirt came to her through the words of her Jewish Professor that Sr. Bernice knew what she had to do.  Find Mother Theresa and join the Missionaries of Charity.  22 years had passed from when Sr. Bernice first felt the call to become to a nun, to when she finally entered Mother Theresa’s order.  She was 38 years old at the time. 

This stood out to me as I am currently 38 years old.  I am a teacher and over the years have wondered if I chose the right school district or even the right career.  There have been times when I hated my job, hated going to work, and I felt like a failure.  I can honestly say today though that I love going to work.  For the first time in my life, I feel like I am exactly where God wants me.  I love my students and I believe I am making a difference in their lives and for the record I am now very, VERY good at what I do.  Still, when new teachers come to me for advice I laugh.  “Do you know how long it took me to get good at my job?”  I exclaim.  “It’s embarrassing!”

It makes me wonder about the path that lead me (or kept me) where I am at in my career.  Was it coincidence, luck, or the Holy Spirit?  Who was it that God wanted me to meet, teach, help?  Or perhaps they are helping me. 

A year ago, when I started this website, I believed God wanted me to pursue writing as my career.  I felt so much pressure and exhausted so much time and money trying to force that to happen.  Newsflash, it didn’t.  At this point, I’m throwing it back at God.  If He wants me to become a best- seller, He knows He is going to have to put someone in my life to help guide.  Perhaps my writing is only meant to reach a few readers.  For all we know, my husband might be the only person reading this post.  Maybe I’m on a 22-year journey like Sr. Bernice.  All I know is, God is telling me to write, so I’m writing.      

There are many plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that will prevail.

Proverbs 19:21

For Sr. Bernice, listening to God lead her to Mother Theresa and 40 years of service and counting with the Missionaries of Charity.  If we stay close enough to God so that we may hear His call, where might we be lead?    

If you haven’t listened to Sr. Bernice on the Hallow app you are really missing out, for she has the most magical voice.  It’s joyful and solemn and holy all at the same time.  I could listen to her talk for hours, but I digress.  This week she shared her story about her father returning from the Korean War and starting a soup kitchen in their 2.5 room Baltimore apartment. 

Before Sr. Bernice joined the Missionaries of Charity with Mother Theresa, her mama wanted her to read the love letters her father had written her during the Korean War. 

It was clear that what kept him going was his love for God and his love for his wife. 

Once the war finally ended another two years passed before Bernice’s father was brought home for, they could not find him.  Once found and brought back to the VA hospital, her mother was asked, “If she wanted to do away with him?”  They said he was delirious and that my Mama could get some extra money if she separated from him. 

She would not hear of it and nursed him back to health, although it took nearly 40 years for him to recover.  Many women in her situation could have and did, do away with their husbands.  They staged other men in their homes so that when their husbands returned home they would be so heartbroken seeing their wife with another man, they would turn to the streets. Most probably wouldn’t blame these women.  For the majority were missing limbs, suffering PTSD and couldn’t contribute to the household in any way.  But if you believe in the butterfly effect, to think how the course of God’s plan would have been derailed if Bernice’s mother threw her father out.  It would be one of history’s greatest missed opportunities.    

After the War, Bernice’s childhood street was covered with veterans.  Her dad would sit outside, and she would quietly sit with him.  Other veterans looked up to her dad, and unable to walk, they would crawl over to him looking for consolation.  Her dad would sing hymns and pray with them.  Her dad would tell them, “You have been put out of one place, but you will have a better place.”  He was pointing them towards Heaven.  “Don’t think of where you have been but where you are going.” 

These men were not just spiritually broken, they were physically malnourished.  Since Bernice and her family barely had enough to eat, she was shocked when her dad told her he planned on starting a soup kitchen in their 2.5 room apartment.  When she asked how that would work, he simply said, “God will provide.”   

So, they invited people in and it would get so crowded you could barely move.  They did not have much to share but as Sr. Bernice says, “If a poor person knows you helped them, and they have something, they will give it to you.”  Soon bags of food started showing up at their door and they were able to feed the hungry every day.    

And this is how Sr. Bernice got started working with the poor.  Because her family came from the poorest of poor themselves.  Because within that poverty, she saw a beautiful movement taking place.  Sr. Bernice says she always wanted to be with people who were hurting because that’s what she did with her dad in the streets of Baltimore.  How beautiful is that?   

So, to think, if Sr. Bernice’s mother were to have followed so many other women in taking the easy way out, what the world would have been deprived of.  The families that would have gone hungry and the veterans who would have had no will to go on.  Sr. Bernice might have never been Sister.  The thousands of people she has helped in her work as a Missionary of Charity and the millions that are listening to her story of the number one Catholic app in the world. 

I guess when we follow Mother Theresa’s advice and “Love until it hurts,” the possibilities are endless. 

What’s that they say about goals?  “Shoot for the moon.  Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”  Norman Vincent Peale

Recently I have been thinking about the significance of St. Peter.  The first disciple called on by Jesus, who would then become the first Pope.    

A self-proclaimed “sinful man” at their first interaction.  Peter was a fisherman, most likely uneducated and rough around the edges in a multitude of ways.  Yet, Jesus calls, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.”  Luke 5:10.    Fish for people?  Catch souls?  Oh Jesus, your clever wit is not wasted on this writer! 

Ironically, the legacy of Peter’s discipleship with Jesus rests in his mistakes.  He faltered on the rough sea, denied Jesus 3 times, and chose brutality over peace when he cut off the soldier’s ear. 

Yet St. Peter is said to have been imperfectly perfect.  Born Simon, the son of John, Jesus named him “Peter” meaning “rock.”  During his discipleship he strove to imitate Jesus (albeit often falling short).  It is said that Jesus chose Peter to take care of His “flock” because of his imperfections.  He was relatable and although he stumbled in his faith, Jesus always restored and forgave him.  And let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good redemption story?      

One of my favorite notes about Jesus and Peter is the full circle that takes place.  Upon meeting, Jesus tells Peter to “follow me,” then again after His resurrection, His last recorded words to Peter are “follow me.”  Talk about a mic drop for Jesus. 

From the day he was called from his nets along the Sea of Galilee to his fateful upside crucifixion in Rome 64 A.D., St. Peter worked as an imitator of Christ.  Not that a human man would ever be able to replicate the incarnation of our God, but what happened when he aimed for that goal?  Some might say he landed among the stars.  Spokesman of the apostles, ambassador of the Catholic church, Vicar of Christ.  Not too shabby Peter, not too shabby at all.  Perhaps more of us need to aim our goals a little higher and see where the power of God’s grace might help us land. 

My best friend likes to tease and say my greatest talent is getting other people to do things for me.  Ask my students, I keep them busy!  They will inevitably rue the day I find them off-task as they soon will be completing a dozen managerial tasks for me.  This week, as I have been praying Fr. Dolindo’s Surrender Novena, that is what I thought of every time I repeated the phrase, “O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!”  Take care of everything!  It kind of made me feel like I was some high-powered celebrity barking orders at my personal assistant.  Except the personal assistant at play is the creator of the universe and I am just one of billions of souls.     

But seriously, how cool is that?  What more could we ask for than our creator taking control of our biggest worries?  Sounds fabulous in theory but we know that’s easier said than done.  Why?  Because although we may trust in God’s plan, we don’t trust that we will LIKE God’s plan.  Every mother is going to worry about the safety of her child.  What loving spouse wants to outlive their partner?  No one wants to endure war, poverty, or disease.  Frankly, all the above sounds awful, and as humans we can accept the reality that these things will happen, that is until they happen to us.  That we cannot accept. 

I am now eight years past the death of my first daughter.  I will never “like” God’s plan for my life, but I have grown to respect and accept it.  Without enduring the loss of my daughters, I would not be the person I am today.  As corny as it may sound, I believe that when my daughters left this world to go to heaven it left a surplus of love in my heart.  Love that so many of my students need.  Love that puts us in each other’s lives as if we were pushed by some sort of celestial magnet.  They need love.  I need to give love.  We complete each other. 

As we have been learning about Fr. Ciszek this Lenten season on Hallow, the following quote has resonated with me. 

“And the greatest grace God can give such a man is to send him a trial he cannot bear with his own powers—and then sustain him with his grace so he may endure to the end and be saved.”

― Walter J. Ciszek, He Leadeth Me: An Extraordinary Testament of Faith       

 

I have never heard of anyone able to surrender to God’s plan who had not met their breaking point.  Some may equate surrendering to giving up.  I suppose it is in way as we are giving up control, but I think acceptance is a better word for it.  When we surrender to God’s will we accept his will.  Only then are we free to delegate our worries to Him.  I believe that once we accept that we do not know better than God, the second half of our life begins.      

Pray always in readiness to surrender, and you will receive from it great peace and great rewards, even when I confer on you the grace of immolation, of repentance and lots.  Then what does suffering matter?  It seems impossible to you?  Close your eyes and day it with all your soul, “Jesus, You take care of it”  Do not be afraid, and you will bless my name by humbling yourself.  A thousand prayers cannot equal one single act of surrender, remember this well.  Here is no novena more effective than this. 

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everting!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrendered to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

Mother, I am yours now and forever.  Through you and with you I always want to belong completely to Jesus.     

Close your eyes and let yourself be carried away on the flowing current of my grace; close your eyes and do not think of the present, turning your thoughts away from the future just as you would from temptation.  Repose in me, believing in my goodness, and I promise you by my love that if you say, “You take care of it,” I will take care of it all; I will console you, liberate you and guide you. 

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

I perform miracles in proportion to your full surrender to me and to your not thinking of yourselves.  I sow treasure troves of graces when you are in the deepest poverty.  No person of reason, no thinker, has ever performed miracles, not even among the saints.  He does divine works whosoever surrenders to God.  So don’t think about it anymore, because your mind is acute and for you it’s very hard to see evil and to trust in me and to not think of yourself.  Do this for all your needs, do this all of you and you will see great continual silent miracles.  I will take care of things; I promise this to you. 

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

You are sleepless; you want to judge everything, direct everything and see to everything and you surrender to human strength, or worse- to men themselves, trusting in their intervention- this is what hinders my words and my views.  Oh how much I wish from you this surrender, to help you and how I suffer when I see you so agitated!  Satan tries to do exactly this: to agitate you and to remove you from my protection and to throw you into the jaws of human initiative.  So, trust only in me, rest in me, surrender to me in everything. 

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!

O Jesus, I surrender myself to you, take care of everything!