Author: Julie Lotarski Page 1 of 11

And if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you

Taylor swift (the 1)

If you’re a swiftie like me, go ahead and sing Taylor’s “The 1” in your head while you read this post. 

So, I know this song is about a lost love/ missed opportunity of romance but with my current thoughts lately it hits differently.  When I think “The One,” I think of Jesus healing the leper, curing the paralytic, and raising Lazarus from the dead.  Innately, when I think of “the one” my heart grieves for all the “not the ones.” 

In my defense, I have none
For never leaving well enough alone

Taylor Swift (The 1)

“Why the ONE?”  is the age-old question that lives rent-free in my mind.  I’m sorry if I am beating a dead horse here, but as you all know the question of God’s intervention in healing one person over all the others is something I struggle with.  Since I have recently developed some new insight on this matter, I thought I would put pen to paper. 

And if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow
And it’s alright now

Taylor Swift (The 1)

While reading “Up from Dust: Martha’s Story,” I was intrigued by a painted scenario in which Jesus heals one of many lepers.  When a woman asks, “Why did Jesus not heal the others,” Thomas replies with, “The real question is, why did Jesus heal the ONE?” (FYI these are paraphrased quotes from the book).

When I brought this up to a friend, she pointed out that often in these scenarios, it’s not about the one person, but the people surrounding the one person.  Interesting.

I heard another quote recently that goes something like this, “If you pray to God, He will intercede, UNLESS He can use it for the greater good.”  The greater good.  Let’s sit with that a minute.

I often wonder if my daughters had a choice in not being saved.  If their souls knew something we did not.  If they were volunteers for the greater good.     

If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

Taylor Swift (The 1)

I desperately wanted London to be one of Jesus’ miracles of healing.  Like the stories in the gospels I grew up listening to or the power of prayer miracles you hear about today.  In that sense she wasn’t “the one” but maybe that’s okay.  She may never have the public glory, but I feel her power now more than ever.  She’s making plans.  She’s moving mountains.  She’s working on something big.  She just won’t be “the one” to get credit for it.     

But it would’ve been fun
If you would’ve been the one

Taylor Swift (The 1)

Earlier this week Sr. Josephine Garrett shared her surrender story on Hallow.  Her pivotal moment came during a conversation with a spiritual director when he asked, “What’s your greatest hope?”  When she couldn’t come up with anything meaningful, he pressed, “What did God make you for?” 

As we wrap up Lent 2024, I think that is a perfect question to end on.  What did God make us for?  When we pass to the other side will we realize our purpose?  Will it be a Mitch Albom’s “The Five People You Meet in Heaven” type phenomenon? 

It makes one’s life feel a greater sense of urgency when you stop to contemplate what God’s purpose for you is.  Have I fulfilled my purpose?  Will I?  Am I currently? 

According to Erik Erickson’s 8 Psychosocial Stages of Development, the last stage is ‘Integrity vs Despair.’  People who look back on their lives and feel despair over missed opportunities, often face death with fear as opposed to those who view their lives as fulfilled.  If you have ever known someone who “willed themselves alive” as they surpassed medical odds of survival, you know how powerful this stage can be. 

So, what does God expect of us?  If you have been following along with the theme of Hallow’s Pray 40 this Lenten season, you might say “surrender.”  That seems to simplify it enough.  We don’t need to fully comprehend the ins and outs of God’s plans for us, we just have to trust Him enough to surrender to God’s purpose for us. 

So, to everyone reading my blog this season, I want to thank-you for entrusting me with your precious time.  Thank-you for believing that the words I write might have a spiritual impact on your life for the better.  I will not be writing every day moving forward (perhaps more like once a week) but I pray that we all continue to work towards bringing ourselves closer to God.  After all, it is harder to hear God’s plan for us, if we are far away.    

The man responsible for providing Jesus’ tomb is known as Joseph of Arimathea.  He is thought to be a rich (secret) disciple of Jesus with some power in the religious ruling body for the Jews.  Nicodemus, a man most likely of similar status, assisted Joseph of Arimathea in the burial of Jesus on Good Friday evening. 

For impact, let’s imagine what the removal and burial of a crucifixion victim might look like.  After His long torturous death, Jesus is described in Isaiah as so disfigured as to no longer resemble a human being.  Now before Joseph and Nicodemus could anoint Jesus’ body, they would have to separate the sacred body from the cross.  This would involve climbing up said cross and reverse hammering the nails out of Jesus’s hands and feet.  To prevent the sacred body from collapsing to the ground, it would need to be fastened to the cross with linen.  I imagine this was not a “figure it out as you go” type of thing but a well-orchestrated operation.  It had to be a very solemn and reverent transition, with the Blessed Mother patiently awaiting to hold her son in her arms one last time. 

As I read about these events, I am continually met with chills thinking about the special souls blessed with the gift for handling death.  I know my daughter was not Jesus and her death was not malicious, yet I can’t help but observe some parallels in our stories.  Just as Joseph and Nicodemus so calmly and respectfully removed the body of Jesus from the cross, I remember sitting and watching as the nurses removed London’s body from her life support.  With little words and decisive actions, cords were cut, blood dripped, and a body was lifted.  Like Mary, I sat with blankets, ready to cradle my child in my arms one last time.  Mary would have held her son in her arms while she washed his body, tended his wounds, and kissed his face.  Likewise, I held London and kissed her head while we prepared for her leaving us by taking footprints and hand molds.  I imagine Mary watching as Joseph and Nicodemus carried Jesus’ body to the tomb, just as I watched a nurse carry London’s body away carefully snuggled in her arms.    

There is not doubt in my mind the hospital staff in the room with us that day walk in God’s favor.  They have been blessed with a gift more special than any other physical ability in this world.  We praise athletes like Patrick Mahomes for his outstanding athleticism, but there is no achievement greater than helping someone die with dignity.  Now their paychecks may not appropriately reflect that achievement, but I believe that God has paid them with something better than money.  Perhaps when you help a soul depart with grace, you get a glimpse of Jesus Himself. 

Lately I have been wondering about the childhood details of Jesus. The bible leaves a significant gap in the life of Jesus between his birth and early ministry.  We do not even know when or how the death of his foster-father Joseph occurred.  Therefore, it leaves much to the imagination for these some thirty years. 

I initially began wondering about the usual.  Did Jesus have any friends? How did he spend his free time.  Was he shy, outgoing, curious?  FYI I could not find much on this topic.  Only a review a movie that was said to be sacrilegious and the Infancy Gospel of Thomas which sounds ludicrous.  But then this boy mom started thinking about Jesus’ most important social relationship- His mother! 

As I looked at my boys, I began wondering what Mary was like as a mother some 2,000 years ago.  Did she have a pet name for Jesus?  Did she lay beside Him until He fell asleep each night?  Did she kiss His feet and tell Him she could just eat His cheeks!  Did she soak in and savor every moment she had with Him?  I’d say yes. 

So, then the age-old question of every male crossed my mind, was Jesus a mama’s boy?  I mean I’d say Jesus loved both His earthly parents but I think we all know the answer to this question is obvious.  I will never forget the words of a coworker while I was pregnant with my oldest son: “There is no love like the love of a boy for his mom” and I think every Catholic is aware of the favor Jesus held for Mary.  I mean, show me a thirty-year old man living at home who is NOT a mama’s boy! 

I have been deeply troubled the past few days about a friend who exclaimed in frustration that she could no longer “take the high road” in life.  Although I have thought this myself many of times it hurt my soul to hear someone else say it out loud.  I hurriedly tried to explain to her that it is important to choose the moral path, but I couldn’t come up a tangible benefit other than “being like Jesus.”  Afterall, if we are living by the doctrine that all sinners who identify Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior go to Heaven regardless of their actions, then that does not leave much motivation for self-improvement. 

When googling, “What does the bible say about taking the high road?”  I was directed to Romans Chapter 12: Mutual Love.

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all.  If possible, on your part live at peace with all.  Beloved, do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”  Rather, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.”  Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.”  Romans 17-21 

Well, I think St. Paul just gave us a mouthful there! 

So apparently social justice goes along with our #1 lesson this Lent, surrender it to Jesus, let God take care of it. 

If you are like me then as you read those words you were left with a fearful wonder.  How will this vengeance take place?  And… do I want to find out?  Nope!  Better stick to the other side of that one! 

My takeaway from these words is that God does not want us “getting our hands dirty” so to say.  It is His job to create justice, it is our job to “mind our business” while living His word. 

If you want a simpler answer to all of this, you can always go with Sir Ian McKellen.

“The only thing you can do about awful people is not be one of them.” 

Building off my “Imaginative Prayer” post earlier, I decided to dive into the souls of Martha, Lazarus and Mary with the historical fiction novel Up from Dust: Martha’s Story.

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.”

John 11:5

When Jesus and His disciples arrive in Bethany, Martha welcomes them into her home. 

Mary is best known for sitting beside the feet of Jesus and then anointing Jesus with expensive perfume which is seen as a preparation for his death. 

Martha is best known for her pragmatics, becoming irritable when her sister leaves her to cook and serve while Mary gets to enjoy the teachings of Jesus. 

“Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving?  Tell her to help me”

Luke 10:40

This quote from the gospel of Luke paints a picture of the sister dynamics of Martha and Mary.  Martha, the older responsible one, Mary the emotional, carefree one.  At first glance I am defensive of Martha in this scene.  Maybe because I pride myself as the ultimate party planner and hostess, I choose solidarity with Martha.  After all, imagine the chaos that would be society if we were all Mary?  Nothing would get done!

Anyone who has ever hosted a party can attest to the phenomenon of being so wrapped up in the preparations of hosting, that before they know it the party is over, guests are leaving, and they did not even have a chance to enjoy it.  Now imagine if Jesus were a guest at said party and you missed it. 

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things.  There is need of only one thing.  Mary has chosen the better part, and it will not be taken away from her.” 

Luke 10: 41-42

In the novel, Up from Dust we are given a hypothetical background on Martha of the age old, ‘why she is the way she is.’  Perhaps she lost her mother young, perhaps her father was consumed by grief, perhaps she was given the burdens of a mother when she herself was only a child.  Perhaps her entire life she was unable to pursue her own desires because she had to tend to her younger siblings.  If any or all of this is true, I’d be frustrated too.

Ultimately, I think we are looking at a “Ying-Yang” type of situation here and Jesus wants us to learn from both holy women.  There is no “Team Martha” or “Team Mary.”  Take the work ethic of Martha, while also seeing the big picture like Mary.  Mary prioritizes what is most important, but Martha is the reason she is able to do so.  If you trend towards Martha, remember to surrender your worries to God.  If you trend towards Mary, don’t forget to include others in the journey. 

For when it comes to Mary and Martha, there is so much more than sibling rivalry at play.  They day of the Lord is coming, and there is much to prepare. 

I’m not going to lie; I milked the whole “Not safe to bring my kids to church because of the pandemic” thing for far too long.  Of course, at the beginning it was valid but as time went on that wasn’t the real reason my family was not going to mass.  We were tired and overwhelmed at the idea of getting kids dressed, presentable and transported to the church on time.  Not to mention the battles with my oldest who inevitably wouldn’t want to go.  So, like all humans, we rationalized excuses in our heads so we wouldn’t feel guilty. 

Recently though I decided we were going to attend mass every Sunday as a family, and I have been shocked at how well it has been going.  I mean, there may be some bribery of donuts involved for the kids, but hey you do want you got to do.  Now that we have our Sunday routine established, the kids follow suit, and I must say it is now the highlight of my week. 

So why is Sunday mass the best hour of my week?  Well, you know how as a parent you are constantly torn in multiple directions and feel like you need to always be doing something to be productive?  Well, for me, mass calms all the noise.  It is time in which my only expectation is to sit in the presence of the Lord and snuggle my children.  What could be better than that?  Even through the struggles of my kids waving palm leaves that hit the parishioners in front of us, I cherish this quality time together as a family.  Plus watching my boys toddle to the front holding hands through communion is worth the price of admission for me. 

At times when I see the struggling parents of unruly children at church, I would like to comfort them and tell them not to be embarrassed, that everyone is just happy to see their children at church.  Likewise, when my children become unruly, I hope that is what other parents are thinking about me. 

I think Debra from Everybody Loves Raymond said it best when her husband asked why she goes to church. 

“To thank God for you and the kids, and to pray for the strength to get through another week with you and the kids.” 

When I was a little girl in Catholic school, a teacher told my mother I daydreamed too much.  I probably did, but what we didn’t know then was the capacity of harnessing such daydreaming for prayer.  This year on Hallow, a new practice has been incorporated into Lent Pray40 called “Imaginative Prayer.”  This has been led by Sr. Miriam as she immerses us in biblical stories by ‘painting the scene’ as to say.

Historical fiction has always been my preference for reading, but it wasn’t until recently that I thought about reading historical fiction of the bible. 

A few years back I listened to an audiobook read by Marly Streep titled “The Testament of Mary.”  Written by Colm Toibin, this short novel has been criticized by conservative Christians and I felt guilty even listening to it, like I was doing something sacrilegious by entering a framework for the Virgin Mary that included details not verified by the Gospels.  Although the novel should be taken with a grain of salt, what I so enjoyed about it was the humanizing of the Blessed Mother.  Depicting her in a way that was relatable made me feel closer to her.  Imagining what “could have” been her thoughts and feelings. 

As a mother who buys her son every Bluey play set to appease his imaginative play (and live vicariously through him), I am really excited about this imaginative prayer stuff.  It hit home for me today while listening to Fr. Schmitz’s Sunday Sermon: Enter the Story. 

Let’s be real, no one likes suffering, but Fr. Schmitz points out that suffering is “sanctifying.”  The suffering involved in the Passion of Christ was not a waste, but the historical moment that changed the world, and guess what?  The story is not done. 

“The story is still not done, and we are invited to enter the story with our own surrender.” 

“Christ’s redemptive act did not of itself restore all things, it simply made the act of redemption possible.”

“Redemption will only be complete when all men share His obedience.”

So how to we enter this unfinished story?  With our obedience aka surrender.  When we suffer, we surrender to God’s will, just as Jesus surrendered himself to the cross.  So, the next time you are at a loss for words when asked why do you Catholics “give up stuff” for Lent, tell them that we are surrendering, and therefore participating in the salvation of the world.  When you put it that way it makes it a lot easier to give up that cup of coffee you thought you couldn’t live without, right?   

C.S. Lewis is said to be the greatest Christian apologetic of the 20^th century.  Meaning he was a rational defender of Christianity.  For some reason, I prefer my church defenders to be former atheists.  Perhaps it is a ‘prodigal son’ sort of phenomenon, or maybe I just feel they are more qualified than the steadfast believers.  Whatever the reason I do find atheist conversions fascinating. 

Some of my personal favorite examples, others than C.S. Lewis, include Jennifer Fulwiler, author of “Something Other Than God: How I Passionately Sought Happiness and Accidentally Found It.”  In addition is Lee Strobel, author of “The Case for Christ.”      

Perhaps what makes me so happy about these three authors is their intellectual aptitude and scholarly backgrounds.  I love listening to individuals smarter than myself defending Christianity.  There is a great comfort in knowing God has such capable minds fighting for righteousness. 

More on this later.

In the meantime,…

A prayer for conversions

O blessed apostle, St. Paul, greatest of all converts, who labored unceasingly for the conversion of other souls, inspire me with the ardor of your zeal that I may pray and work for the conversion of my brethren, redeemed in the blood of Christ but not as yet blessed with the full light of his truth.

Mindful of the loving concern of the Divine Shepherd for the salvation of the “other sheep that are not of this fold,” I now beg your intercession to obtain the grace of conversion for (name of family member, friend or others).

May God, the Holy Spirit from whom alone this gift can come, hear my humble prayer and thus enable me to share with others the riches of my heritage of faith through Jesus Christ, Our Lord. Amen.

Whether you know C.S. Lewis from The Chronicles of Narnia, The Screwtape Letters, or The Great Divorce, he is arguably one of the most popular authors of the 20^th century.  Last Lent I read and wrote about The Screwtape Letters, which left me wanting to know more about this atheist turned Christian man.

Since we live in an age where our phones don’t just listen to things we say out loud, they somehow can read our minds, I have been inundated with ads from a Hillsdale College promoting a free online class titled C.S. Lewis on Christianity.  So, I will be starting this tomorrow and writing about my findings.  These are the topics:

Faith and Reason

Good and Evil

Conversation and New Life

Enjoyment and Contemplation

Prayer in the Bible

Suffering and Death

Heaven and Hell

So, if you are one of C.S. Lewis’s millions of readers, I would love to know your thoughts on his theories as well.  Have they shaped your relationship with God?  Do you agree or disagree?  Let’s dive in.  Meet you here tomorrow 😉