I fell in love with weekday Mass the summer my son MJ was born. It has a completely different energy than a Sunday mass. More somber and serious than joyful and celebratory, but in a good way. At least in a way that matched my spirit towards prayer.
Honestly, the idea of going to a Sunday service makes me cringe. I truly believe I have PTSD when it comes to that. I think I pushed myself too hard to go to church after my daughter London died. If there was a little girl close by or the priest said a homily that made me feel neglected, I would burst into tears. I just felt so lonely, so unseen. Still, I fought through it and continued to force myself to go. Mainly to light a candle for London. Then the pandemic hit, and I delivered my stillborn daughter. Since then, I have used Covid as my excuse but ultimately, I just cannot bring myself to go. Too much pomp and circumstance, too many people.
Part of the reason I fell in love with weekday Mass was because my father and I made a habit of taking my son once a week. At the end of Mass, we would light a candle for my daughter and go grab a cup of coffee. Those quiet morning spent together have been one of my happiest memories with my dad.
Then there were the days when I walked to that 7:00 am Mass. The simple pleasure of being out in nature in the early morning before the hustle and bustle begins its almost a religious experience in itself. The world so quiet, so easy to clear your mind, so many opportunities for God to find a connection to you.
However early, back then it was relatively easy for me to make it to 7:00 am Mass. My infant son was awake early in the morning anyways so I would simply get ready after he woke me up. Since then, it has been more of a challenge with his sleep schedule changing.
Recently though I decided to bring MJ to church with me on my daughter’s birthday. He impressed me with how well he sat through the Mass being not quite four-years-old. After Mass I thanked him for going with me and he said, “Thank-you for taking me Mommy.” Be still my heart! So now I have made it a point to try to take him to weekday Mass once a week. It can be our special mommy and me time. Hopefully, as he grows up, he’ll look back at these weekday Mass memories with the same fondness I do. Then who knows, maybe he will be taking his little one to weekday Mass one day.